01 June, 2012

My Advice to a Dad Who is Being Mr. Mom for a Week

 We'll miss you, Vinnie. I promise to aim as many Twitter quips, at Melissa, as I usually target at you.

As a father of three myself, I offer the following advice culled from my nearly 1.5 decades of parenting:

  • Clifford is your friend.

  • Juice rots teeth, so utilize it only as a bribe, when needed.

  • My now-14 year old became a 4 yr. old PS2 prodigy during "Daddy Week 2002". #LifeSkills #AllThumbs #JustSayin'

  • Taking the kids on a picnic, to Frame Park, makes Daddy the hero to passers-by. "Wow, that guy has it all together!", you'll hear. At home that usually translates into, "I saw the McDonald's bill on the credit card statement! How could ANYONE spend $40 AT MCDONALD'S!?"

  • Training wheels, schmaning wheels. Helmets, schmelmets.

  • Re-usable grocery bags were made for sun-screen, extra hair brushes, Entertainment Coupon books, DSi chargers, phone chargers, e-readers, towels...OR five pounds of sand. Not both.

  • Never a better opportunity to have everyone in the car singing along to Foo Fighters. "It's too loud, Daddy" should be taken as a request to crack a window. #Acoustics

  • An entire day's "Honey Do" list can be condensed down to the last 45 minutes prior to one's wife's return home. This can be further reduced by an additional 10 minutes if one makes sure to have made the requested call to make a play-date for Child X. [Editor's note: I preferred to avoid that and simply start the list at the 45 minute mark instead.] 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your honey realizes that said work is done in 45 minutes. Any longer of a request and she fears a revolt.