Snow Thrower - The Stages of Becoming a Man

In the beginning, there was the mitten
The child learned to push snow this way and that
In for hot chocolate to avoid being frost bitten
Slush clogging his kid boots and hat

When he got his first apartment he took a shovel
To help him dig out his old beater
To passers by he'd look quite agile
But he'd run in to sit on the heater

He bought his very own condo
Remembrances of his old apartment
Inevitably came the first snow
So down to Ace Hardware he went

Snow Throwers all so new and shiny
The man said "The big one's the rage"
Their price tags were not so tiny
So he said, "I'll just take the single-stage"

The first snowfall was just North of one inch
He stripped off the plastic, filled up the tank
It blew off the sidewalk and didn't flinch
He said, "Hey I just made my first snowbank!"

A week later a blizzard did come
The lil' shooter was valiantly run
When it got gummed up in the slush he felt dumb
"My mama didn't raise her no idiot son"

Grabbing the emergency credit card he returned to the store
Said "Man I can't take this no more
My back aches like a man three times my age
Here's my card please deliver me a dual-stage"