G-Rated Things About My Wife

I am proud of my wife.

• We went to a movie last night and she was in discomfort over the intense working out she did this week...yet she went out with me anyway. She pushed through her various workouts even though she knew she would be sore. I envy her dedication.
• I could not have picked a better mother for my kids (and believe me, the interview process was taxing). She both ejected them well and cares for them beautifully. They know they're loved and as secure as one can be, and she's the reason.
• I work a lot. She's THE anchor at home. Her discipline with all-things-house impresses me, from the physical up-keep to paying the bills.
• She loves people and makes friends easily. When she gets into a friendship she commits herself emotionally and has an interest in her friends' success. To be counted as her friend is a privilege, and I am one of those so honored. I wonder why I am worthy, but I don't question it.
• Her stories of the day bring me back to my center. I love listening to them. I chuckle, not at her, but with her.
• Can anyone say, "The Deal Queen"? Since I first met her I have been bowled over with her ability to explain, to Sales folk, how they miscalculated her stacked coupons. Her math and accounting background contributed to fostering the keenest almost psychic sense of rip-off detection I've ever observed. Never below board, she knows the systems, and works them in an honorable fashion. In the process, she leaves in her wake sometimes embarrassed, but always better educated, clerks, managers, and online service personnel. She cringes when I go to Kohl's and buy a new shirt, because my eyes see "50% off regular price," and her mind's eye sees "75% more than I'd pay". Luckily I keep the receipt and she gets the adjustment later on.
• I'm not gonna lie; I love her cooking. Screw the stereotypes. She's a great cook, introducing new dishes to her repertoire weekly, due to her great friends contributing recipes and tips, or simply finding something suggested in a magazine or other media outlet.
• She is the one person with whom I can confide, and she listens and empathizes always, sympathizes when appropriate, and smacks me upside the metaphorical head when deserved. She's my emotional meat thermometer, preventing my spirit-steak from burning to a crisp. [Sorry...I got an appetite, from that last paragraph, and could not escape a culinary metaphor. - editor]
• Sure, she's kept me from putting up my old Star Trek memorabilia ANYWHERE in the house, prevented movie posters, Zeppelin posters, and the like from gracing our walls, but the net effect is a calm, uncluttered home environment. I dig her color choices. The furniture is serviceable and tasteful (to our tastes). She' my own personal interior decorator.
• She forces me to participate in social activities...which is good for me. I'd rarely initiate them, but I not-so-secretly dig when she does.

The term "Better Half" is completely legitimate. Without her I'd not be the man I am. I'd not be the man I like. I owe her everything and love her completely. Every day I consider that I got through another one on the sly, and I hope she won't catch on that I'm the one getting the best part of the deal.


Alternate Ending:
Thanks, Chickie. Now go clean that kitchen while I go watch a Bruce Campbell DVD!